Lessons I’m Still Learning

Warning: Some TMI here and there.  I would apologize, but it comes with the nature of the post.

I wrote my last post (also my first post) almost a month ago.  I had to wait to publish it because just as I was finishing my internet ran out and I wasn’t able to get more for a few days.

Then I had a little accident.

Tomorrow I will be 25 weeks pregnant.

A week ago today my water broke.

16 weeks and 1 day before my due date.

13 weeks and 1 day before “full term”.

This had been a rocky pregnancy from the start.

Expecting Lady Bug

31 weeks pregnant with Princess T

When I was expecting Princess T everything went smoothly, text book even. I had all the symptoms when I was supposed to for as long as I was supposed to.  Testing early didn’t work so we found out we were expecting her at 6 weeks + 2 days.  I had the weird cravings (pizza in sweet and sour sauce, anyone?), and I only gained 16 pounds.  As is typical for first babies, I had “practice” labor for a couple weeks amongst insane nesting.  She still didn’t want to come out even a full week after my due date.  7 days after she was due my OB stripped my membranes and I was at about 2 ½ centimeters.  He was going out of town and I was going out of my mind so I begged for a last minute induction. So, the next morning at 41 weeks + 1 day I arrived at the hospital to meet my baby.  When I got there I was already 4 centimeters dilated and having contractions every 5 to 6 minutes.  And as is also typical for first babies, I had a long labor.  15 hours and 53 minutes after being admitted to the hospital our little princess finally made her debut- weighing 8 pounds 7.4 ounces and measuring 21 inches.

24 weeks with Little Mr.

24 weeks pregnant with Mr. T)

(after premature rupture of membranes)

This time around has been completely opposite.  Before I even became pregnant things were crazy.  For starters, I was still nursing my daughter who was 19 months at the time.  The complicated nature of our nursing relationship at this point wreaked havoc on my cycles.  She would almost wean going down to 2 nursing sessions in 24 hours and then would get sick or cut teeth and would start to nurse like an infant again. Biologically speaking, I really shouldn’t have been able to get pregnant with the length of cycles I was having, but I did.  I started having symptoms the week I conceived (to be fair, I had them pretty early the first time too, but not that early).  And then I started bleeding like a light period for a week.  I almost didn’t think about testing until one evening I was sitting on the closed toilet hovering over a trash can.  So the next day I took a test and got a negative (come to find out that would have been only about 7 days after conception.)  Five days later I took a second test and got a positive!  But something wasn’t right.  I would cramp frequently in the beginning and by my eighth week I had started bleeding.  The bleeding became heavier lasted for a total of 8 weeks.  During this time my OB sent me to a specialist and I was diagnosed with a subchorionic hematoma/hemorrhage.  When I finally stopped bleeding, we were so relieved but in the back of my mind I wondered if the troubles were truly over.  I had read that there was a slight chance of the SCH coming back or going into labor early.  I was slightly concerned about the possibility and had planned to discuss these things with my doctor at our 24 week appointment but my water broke 4 days before that appointment.

monitor

This week has been one of the craziest and most emotional of my life.  We have prayed, and worried, and then prayed some more.  The ultimate goal is to get a healthy and developed baby boy here as close to the 34 week mark as possible.  So, as of today, we have been in the hospital for a week and have 9 more to go.

My father-in-law once told us that when we have situations like this God is trying to teach us something.  In my opinion that is a very wise observation.  I don’t believe that God does things only to teach a lesson because God is so much bigger than that.  His ways aren’t our ways.  Maybe all we can see is the need for a lesson, but He sees that and a hundred other reasons.  But nevertheless, my father-in-law is right.  There is always a lesson to be learned in every situation that God allows you to be in.

flowers

I am alone here in the hospital for the most part.  My husband is here most nights and our daughter is here twice each week.  I have had other visitors too and of course nurses, doctors, and staff are in and out throughout the day.  But even with all that I have much time to sit and listen to God- time to learn what He wants to teach me.

Jeremiah

So, what is it the God is teaching me?

He is teaching me to trust Him.

I don’t trust anyone easily, not even the One who made me.

He is teaching me to put Him first.

I many times have gotten so caught up in my blessings that I neglect the One who bestowed them on me in the first place.

Why is it so easy to put God on the back burner of life?

Why don’t we listen?

This is what God has put on my heart in the last two days.  That if I would simply spend time reading the words that He has written to us all and open my heart and submit my will to whatever His Spirit speaks from those living words; then my anxiety would be soothed and I would find the assurance that I need to feel true peace. And if I would do this and put Christ as my utmost priority than I would actually be a better wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, writer, and teacher.  I will be better because I will be serving and loving others through a strength that isn’t mine.

These are the lessons I’m still learning.

-Ashley

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